Sunday, December 31, 2006

Another Year..another Entry

Time flies when your having fun as they say. But time flies the fastest when you're not lookin, I'd add in. The year just seem to have whizzed past me when everything was still new; from warming up to a new job from the previous year ahead, keeping up with correspondence with friends that where found and discovered previously, which of course means keeping my own multiply site up to date as others put more info in theirs and at the same time expanding one's ever growing network of friends and acquaintances.


But for what its worth 2006 has not also been short of its challenges and instances that would require more than just maintenance work. Friends rallied up behind me and gave me more than just moral support when I needed it the most and that for me would be the capping glory of 2006; that the good one does all throughout is manifested by the presence and equally helpful acts of friends and contacts nurtured through the years. I shall forever be grateful for them.


So in the eve of 2007, I hold my head up high, proudly and happily knowing that whatever Blessings I have had in 2006 will be carried over to 2007 for opportunities to share and bestow equally good deeds and good words will come to me in the coming year and in the process account for good karma and more abundance that our generous Universe is more than willing to give.


Happy New Year everyone!!! Let's celebrate 2007 with a bang, with open arms and an open heart.


VALIAH ENTERETH!


Love,


CAZ!


 


 

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Professional or UN....Part 2

Now remember about my previous rant about being unprofessional? Well, here’s the next part. It’s the official “sequel” to that rant as the day of the event came I was totally unprepared for people trying to pull their own weight having had the previous and past successful experiences of doing that.


 


Anyway, I got to the event at the appointed time of 630pm having been told that it will start early. Then again, we’re here in the Philippines so I should know better than to expect any form of American value for punctuality to be incorporated into the system. Having worked with American bosses was a blast and forced me to be mindful of these habits that we as a people have allowed to creep into the Filipino psyche.


 


The minute I stepped into the venue I was looking for contact person that contracted me for the event and lo and behold came face to face with my co-host; an attorney at that. Perhaps I would account either for her age or for her usual way of barking at people considering her degree and all. She starts pulling me aside and talks about the program and details of a segment that was recently added into the program, in which I was to sing a Christmas song. I told her I knew of that but because of time constraints and was in contact with the coordinator, the band said they couldn’t perform it but I could sing it acapella.


 


Almost immediately she fumed and accosted me for not being able to “require” the band to learn the song when in fact it should have been the coordinators job to do that and not mine. She said that having been informed about it there was ample time. The mere fact that the band guy took a day and a half to respond back accounted for the time lost not to mention the late notification of this segments inclusion. And here I am taking the heat for their ineptitude.


 


Being the outsider I was recovering in shock and felt my narration of the circumstances as my defense was brought in weakly to stand in as evidence. With my facial expression, I let her know that I was peeved at her attitude and relented to be mature about the whole thing as regard it as her frayed nerves at having seeing no one yet at the event and milling about different parts of the floor and equally barking at people who seem to be in her own eyes, incapable and unprofessional. When in fact, it was her who was pegging herself to that classification. Before the event started I avoided her like the plague. And by the end of the event, she tried to warm up to me by saying she enjoyed my singing and that I should pursue a career in theatre.


 


Thank you but no thanks if that was her way in wanting to nullify the effect that she has caused.  Perhaps she knew that she was out of line when she blamed me for whatever imperfections the program had and realized that no program really runs smoothly and as perfectly executed on paper. When asked to relax & smile, she even declared loudly that she couldn’t and there was no time for it.


 


When you think about it, the conditions in our life that gives us lack of sleep, tension, anxiety, are brought about by how we view them and react towards them accordingly. It’s our choice. She chose not to relax and enjoy the evening and considered to be bothered by the whole event. I chose to keep my cool. Rant about it in this blog and release it to the Universe. I’ve said my peace and ready to move along….


 


Although it would be nice to see her trip along the mall carrying her Christmas goodies…heheheh.

Friday, December 8, 2006

Professional or UN.....

Earlier today my friend and fellow artist in rant, told me of her personal experience with working with people who are totally unprofessional or to put it more politically correct, have a different sense of professionalism and work ethic.


 


I feel for her situation and wonder if I were in her place, being at the forefront of a situation almost akin to harassment and insubordination at the same time, could I have still held my cool, albeit my tongue.


 


One thing I would be ranting here is my own experience at how some people can keep you waiting and standing on ceremony. You see, I’m to host a corporate event over the weekend with some tweaks in the program added at the last minute. Unfortunately, the segment required me to sing a holiday ditty whose musical instrumentation, or minus-one in the vernacular, proved to be elusive and likewise unavailable. I was tasked then of having to talk to the band guy to find out if they can accompany me during the number. Halfway through, I thought shouldn’t that be the job of the coordinator and not mine? But then again, that’s a different rant, so I shall not digress and stick to the issue at hand.


 


In the interest of wanting to have a smooth presentation, I took the task and began to contact the band guy. It took him a night before responding and it was only after I called him up following three of my texts did he respond. And said that it was on short notice and that they could not accommodate my request. And lo and behold, it became my request and not of the company who contracted me in the first place. What gall! And during the conversation he even wanted me to text him the details and not speak of it over the phone in order to be comprehended.


 


I didn’t want to pull whatever clout I thought I had but I figured after introducing myself over the phone and finally on the last and fourth repeated text by adding the name of the radio station that I’m affiliated with as credentials did he respond.


 


So now, if I were merely an “ordinary” host he would’ve just continually ignored my texts and only after attaching my name and thereby revealing my status or if not lineage was he shaken to the rafters and was prompted to respond?


 


Why should people not have the decency or sense of urgency even to respond accordingly and not have to make others wait in the service of their own folly? It is foolish and darn unprofessional. And to think that he and I can be touted as brothers in the business, and still carry on the way that he did? Well, if I had a brother like that, I’d take the nearest baseball bat and whack some sense into him. Or be the nasty kid brother and be the proverbial tattletale and rant on the parent of a company and let them handle him on their terms…


 


Which seems to be not a bad idea when you think about it.


 


…Note to self…rant to parents…hmmmm.


 


 

Friday, December 1, 2006

Which XMEN are You?







You Are Storm

http://images.blogthings.com/whichofthexmenareyouquiz/storm.jpg" height="100" width="100">

Exotic and powerful, Storm descended from a line of African priestesses.
Emotions can effect your powers, but you are generally serene.


Powers: controlling weather, creating winds that lift you into flight, generating lightning



Love Starbucks? So, which Frappuccino are you?- Try this test






Caramel Frappuccino

http://images.blogthings.com/whatflavorfrappuccinoareyouquiz/caramel.jpg" height="100" width="100">

Creative and expressive, you tend to match your Frappuccino flavor to your mood. And a flavored syrup is always a must!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Rest Room OC

How many times have we gone to public restrooms and found it reeking with the pungent smell of urine accumulating in the bowls and just left there to be added on by the next user who is equally delinquent if not indifferent about what they see?


Well, public or not. This is a bad habit that we as Filipinos, should start cultivating. It's 8am in the office and coming out of the restroom, i found that the maintenance people have not done their early morning sweep.


And then people started going in the rest room and on top of that a meeting is to start soon and some ex-pats just went in and did their bit.


I can only cringe at the thought of what went on in their minds as they were using the lavatories with its smelly and wet floors.


We who work in private companies certainly can do better than some who use the public restrooms wantonly and indifferently.


Let's try and do our little bit to make the environment clean and presentable at the very least for ourselves and for others.


Oh, and did I tell you that every single time I go into the restroom and see that the urinals are not flushed, I go out of my way to flush each and every single one....

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

MAURICE

Rating:★★★★★
Category:Movies
Genre: Drama
Watched MAURICE again. Quite the pleasant watch. And a most eye-opening experience at that after seeing it again after all these years. Based on the book by EM Forster and posthumously released, Maurice’s story is that of a young man who comes into grace and his subsequent downfall.

By grace I mean of his adolescent years and the decision he makes as he partakes of society and of its trappings of position and power and by fall, by way of losing his innocence that marked his journey at the beginning and his sense of naivete in the world, knowing that people operate differently. And amidst that, having to deal with the longing in his heart; that is to spend his life with someone he loves, someone who can love him back; in short, another man.

Set in the early 1900’s a little over after the turn of the century in England, it was a most critical and crucial time to state and to person much less to even be aware of one’s nature and to give in to it, knowing that the end result would be shame and ruin. One would have to go out on a limb for it, similar to what Maurice did.

Now, did it pay off? I guess you would have to read the book or watch the film and similarly pray that local bookshops would begin to carry this elusive piece of work. But I won’t spoil the fun and go on to tell you that watching it the second time around and having grown older since the last to appreciate the act and nuance of words and spoken lines, the whole experience was like watching the film for the very first time. Gone were the days when the characters of Maurice, Clive, Ann, and Scudder were merely names to remember and contend with, but rather they represent different archetypes and levels of society and awareness in that given time. They were either people in the middle of society’s changes; from both ushering it into the new world to merely settling for the effects as it trickles and dawns into their lives. Or to those who merely sit by the sidelines and let the glorious sands of life just merely pass them by without knowing any better.

And yet men not to mention women only could aspire to know as much during 1910, homosexuality was even frowned upon at that time and even if Oscar Wilde was gaining popularity and notoriety as a playwright, Forster’s book was not even released only until after his death. Today things have taken a turn for the progressive as England has been one of the first nations to embrace the union of gay marriages, having Elton John and George Michael among the celebrities to openly endorse the government move by having themselves registered as same-sex lifetime partners.

Such turn of events was only aspired to and dreamt of in Maurice’s time as he had to wrestle that utopian society in his mind when Clive, played by Hugh Grant came to profess his love for him. Having spent so much time together being students at Cambridge, it was but a natural act for Clive to do; to outpour his feelings to this man whom he spent so much time with. But Maurice being the archetype of a closeted gay man rebuked him. And when only when he had time to ruminate and finally coming to his senses soon found himself transformed and succumbed to his feelings and allowed Clive into his heart; so much so that he let him in too deep that when the world came between them he almost could not bear it.

At this point in the viewing, the precarious relationship of both Clive and Maurice can be flayed on like meat to be scrutinized to no end as to who manipulated whom and who got the bad end of the deal. But it all boils down to passivity and having the “balls” to go after what one truly wants and desires, a quality of which Hugh Grant was able to convey in the film as he shrank bank into his own “closeted” world, broke off with Maurice and re-emerged into society as a straight and married man.

How many of us would have the stamina and drive to pursue what we want,let alone brave a lone trek to reach our goals and dreams to find out that it meant sacrificing a better part of ourselves? How many men in this modern day and age have both gone thru what Clive did and dared to both dream of that life; a life of having a loving man in their lives and a woman alongside him with their children in tow. Either that or throw one’s passivity out the window and brave what most gay men who are sure of themselves the road less traveled only time it rewarding and life affirming in the end. And only upon reaching the end would one consider that particular road fully traversed and consider a journey taken.

Clive and Maurice both took that road and ended up two different people at the end of the journey so much so that their roles were reversed. Clive becomes the repressed and closeted gay man refusing to look into the past and yet never forgetting while Maurice amidst initial resistance and condemnation chooses to embrace his nature fully. A reversal of fortune or merely a realization of a journey?

Either of the two would suffice but it would both demand results; results from a path taken and ventured so that the order of the Universe is tested and tempered and we like the characters in this brilliantly adapted film are left to ponder upon about the choices we make and if we were ever needed to make those choices.

Perhaps most people wouldn’t understand the burden of making choices along these matters for gay men have it differently; from having no specific role models to choose and emulate from while growing up and at the same time being dictated by society on how and what to do. And if ever a role model was ever found, they themselves are bound by the very cords that binds gay men who would want nothing more than to be free to express themselves in the most natural way ever. And in doing so, attune to the yearnings of the heart; that somewhere out there, there is indeed another man who can heed one’s call, who matches up to the standards or levels of preference that one prescribes and equally accepting of one’s flaws and limitations.

Such a tall task to ask? Perhaps not. But gay man or not, that is equally the goal that every human being aspires to in relationship. Perfectly free of whatever trappings of inconsistency and incongruence to point that both parties are able to open their heart, mind and soul to their partner with no fear of recoil or revulsion.

As the saying goes, make your bed and lie on it. In this case, Maurice has come to realize that in making your own bed, you get to choose who gets to lie on it with you and in effect come out the victor and not the victim.




Monday, October 9, 2006

MOVIE CASTING News

Egads! Gadzooks! or simply just a breath of relief for rumors spinning about since the movie's planning stages but Robert Downey Jr, has finally bagged the title role of Tony Stark, millionaire playboy/superhero for the movie adaptation of  Marvel's comics superhero, IRON MAN. No other casting news has been released but I am equally waiting in baited breath for the casting of Iron Man's arch nemesis, The MANDARIN, who is a Fu ManChu lookalike and wields rings of power in each finger. Take that, Sauron!


With Ghost Rider out and several sequels for previous hits out like Hulk, Fantastic Four and even (gasp), Daredevil, we can only wait and hope for the best. And by that time let's hope that Buffy creator, Joss Whedon has finally casted the role of another hero, or should I say heroine, who's been waiting for her movie for the longest time. Yupes, its Wonder Woman.


 

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Marriage: Fate or Choice

They say that great things come to those who wait and not just the good things.


 


            Coming home from attending and hosting a Wedding reception, it is these words that the groom uttered that kept me thinking as I drove home. Seeing how happy he was when he was thanking everyone who came and attended and how he spoke of the circumstances that led to meeting his wife serendipitously.


 


He did believe that good things come. However it is the great things that really are worth the wait. His statement belied the old saying that it is the good thing that comes to those who exercise and conduct themselves in the delectation of upholding the virtues of patience and perseverance.


 


            I say this for many a seeking soul, the reality of having to share someone their lives continue to be a constant battle if not a mystery.


 


            I also say this for some people feel that marriage is a Choice. Some people feel that marriage on the other hand is fate; like the end result of the uniformed alignment of the planets to create a harmonious and pleasant not to mention a memorable experience.


           


            Choice perhaps because one would have to choose the mundane task of setting a marriage date, the church where one wants to be married down to the pastor who would officiate the ceremony and eventually book the hotel where the nuptials will be celebrated and given validation by the many number of family members and friends who all will bear witness to that union and hence give it credence and significance.


 


            Fate for some because out of the billion people in the world or in the part of the world where you live in, a beautiful soul comes into your life; knocking on your heart’s door or literally landing on your door step falling flat on their faces just hoping to vie for your attention in the hopes for a date or even another one just to get to know you better.


 


            And to get to know life and in the process the mysterious force that is love is to know that these two principles operate at times within no realm of absolutes. It conducts itself in the realm of the gray, where things are hard to be given a fixed form or a constant answer to an ever evolving question. True, the metrics of love change from couple to couple and cannot be for the most part quantified but the mechanics on how it holds true for people in love continue to remain a mystery.


 


            This is so for species like us that seeks to categorize everything that we see and do and having been accustomed to the scientific way of doing so, the answer continues to elude us and we end up debating if the marriage, the meeting and union of two souls, is bound by the force of fate or of choice.


 


            And yet personally being in a domesticated partnership such as myself, I cannot say that I have found the answers much less affirm that I have delineated the borders that even come to define. Like most, I can only hope to rely on the combination of the two earlier debated forces of Fate & Choice that defined and created the conditions that I have in my life at the moment.


 


            Fate for the most part stretches forth out her warm and nurturing touch and have two strangers meet; weaving both a scenery of circumstance and coincidences peopled by characters coming from both camps of the people involved. Fate sees this development and steps back and let the designated characters act out the part that she has drawn for them and if they are lucky, they get past the first act of dating and the getting-to-know-you-scenes before moving onto the second act of the performance which is the confirmation of the journey of the first act so far and seeking verify that through witnesses and ceremony. The performance thus ends with everyone being thanked for their participation and the rest of the evening is left for the hired band to usher everyone into merrymaking while songs are played and guests dance their cares away.


 


            Choice enters the picture the day after as the two joined souls have signed the papers, made a vocal and written commitment to cherish one another; to have and to hold and to accept each others differences which marks any significant union and which makes each and every union dynamic and ever evolving. This choice also is present during the tough times when voices are raised in protest and over the differences in outlook and in personal persuasion and objects of possession are hurled across the room in the hopes that that message is heard and sent across.


 


            Truly no one Force can ever be devoid of each other without recognizing the fact that both of them cannot truly function without the other; being complementary to each. The meeting of those two souls can easily be attributed to fate but the force of choice follows that up and defines the next step to follow and how the road is either smoothed out or roughened up.


 


            So for those who feel that they have found someone worthy and willing to share their lives with, begin to thank your lucky stars that the Universe has indeed given you that person.  What follows next is the Choice to uphold that recognition that this person is in your life for a reason just as you are in his life for one.


 


            And in the journey together, you just may find your answers.


 


If in case along the road you may find even some more questions to answer. Then perhaps you may choose to do so or just skip them and just drive safely and content to work knowing that the person who chose you will be serving you a warm, cooked, loving meal when you get home at the end of the day.


 


           

Friday, March 31, 2006

2nd Meeting - Anne Rice Philippines - March 25, 2006



And just when some thought it would not happen again, lo and behold, we
had our second meeting last Saturday at Powerbooks Megamall.
Admittedly, its been a long time coming, but as the old adage says, better late
than never.


First
off, I would like to thank those who went. I know how important most of
our Saturday nights are to each and every one of us, but you still came
and I’m so glad and thankful that you all were there. Those who were in
attendance were Pinky, my Rowan Mayfair for life; Boots, who missed out
the last time but whose enthusiasm for what we do is infectious as
always; Lynn, our Talamascan representative who
came in black and whose accessories stole the rest of the evening
(ehem!); Ruby Mae, who had to come after her curiosity was aroused
after much persuasion. She is also my colleague from “
Echoes of the Heart”, the radio talk show I do every Saturday afternoon with our one and only Ms. World, Ms. Evangeline Pascual;
Eman, Boots’ friend and manager of Kenny Rogers Megamall; and a new
recruit named Letty, who along with her 11 year old son, Lester simply
sat in our area and didn’t think that a discussion was going on prior
to when we started.



Sadly
those who were not in attendance were missed namely Toby, Powerbooks
Megamall Book Club leader and facilitator, Babette and Marie, both dear
friends and fellow Powerbooks Book Club members. 3 members of
CharmedPinoy, Penny, Deks and Jo were also missed as they had their own
meeting to be at as well. Jonatz, a fellow Terry Brooks fan and finally
Beng, the sister of Boots responsible for our logo and hard at work
with our website too.




And
so we started as everyone was coming in and kicked off with the usual
introductions and updates. Ruby Mae, starting it by revealing that she
had to come and see for herself what transpires in Book Club
discussions like these. No doubt that after tonight, she would be
attending more and has become Anne-curious. Boots who was also a former
colleague from DWIZ, came with Eman and was so happy to be finally
attending.



She added that although her sister Beng, was absent from our gathering, she is nonetheless hard at work at our groups website. I just can’t wait.
In fact, she is also responsible for our “logo”. Before moving on to
Pinky who sat beside me, the turn fell to our new “recruit”, Letty.




She
was merely seated at our area to have a little reading time of her own
when our Vampire books laid for everyone to see on the low-rise center
table caught her attention; not to mention that we, beautiful Children
of the Millenia simply could not be anything but noticeable. Pardon my
indulgencies. If we don’t do that, then who better than ourselves lest
we wait for the promise of a compliment from others who cannot give it.
Ha, ha. Lestat speaking. Ah, Le Attention. Oui.




Little
did she know that she would be in for a treat and this automatically
warrants her invitation and eventual inclusion into our coven; the
mother of 1 and an entrepreneur at that. This just reminds me of the
other parent who initially joined us the last time we met. I would be
hard pressed not to think that meeting other people who just happen to
discover us is merely an accident. And at the risk of waxing a little bit of fatalism here, nothing is of course is an accident.
And after Pinky introduced herself as well, who happens to be a former
colleague of mine from the now defunct, SVI, we were well on our way.




To
say that what they discovered about the Lestat in this second helping
of the Chronicle as being different and not the abrasive, impetuous
vamp everyone got a taste of in Interview is an understatement.
Lestat in his own tell-all book, redeems himself to a point and sheds a
little more light into his own life before becoming a vampire as well
as a take on the mythology of vampires in Anne’s universe.





You see, Lestat was the son of a marquis in the French province of Auvergne.
His title doesn’t exclude him from certain accordance of respectability
and affluence but he certainly doesn’t feel that way. Reclusive and
always searching for the meaning of his own life, he displayed a
restlessness that was unchanneled and shelved. From his father’s
blatant disregard and prohibition of a proper education, to his
mother’s indifference and ironic display of voracious reading, Lestat
only had his dreams and the quest to find meaning in his dismal
existence to contend with.



This clearly marks the foundation of a certain degree of bitterness that we see in Interview.
His quest to find meaning finds him single handedly going out into the
woods and killing a pack of wolves that have been terrorizing the
village. His brave act earned him the nick, Wolfkiller and the
attention of Magnus, the degenerate Vampire who turned him and Nicholas
de Lenfrent; another marquis son and who would later be his lover and
friend and at the same time an antithesis to Lestat’s own positive
quest.





Lestat’s
quest has extracted consequences as he had to make decision after
decision. From both turning his mother and best friend Nicholas into
vampires after escaping to Paris to become an actor and be turned into
a vampire by Magnus; to meeting Armand, the auburn-haired vampire who
lives below the Paris catacombs, Les Innocents; to abandoning them both
in search of new mentor, an older Vampire named Marius who both sired
Armand and keeper of the 1st vampires, the Mother and
Father. The book has successfully reworked the vampire mythos and its
subsequent stereotypes and simultaneously give us an origin that is
both supernatural and scientific; not to mention, original.

Most
of us in the group also agreed that Gabrielle, Lestat’s mother was not
a sympathetic character, as she would in her own way tease Lestat with
her books and yet lift not a finger to openly challenge his Father’s
ban for him to get a proper education. Ironically in the book she would
be seen reading to herself in her room or if not, foster his "street
smart” capabilities, and urging her own indulgencies through him or in
support of his very own.

What mother would deny her
own child the one thing that would make him happy and give resonance of
a meaning in his life? What parent would do that? Of course, this
brought rise to the prohibitions that our own parents imposed on us as
we were growing up; from urging us to take a different course at
school, to the restriction of certain types of people to be with and
befriend as well as to the imposing of certain living conditions as we
stay with them under the same roof.





Anne’s
take on Gabrielle was certainly a far cry from her own mother who
actually allowed her to have her own way as she grew up; from changing
her name to Anne from a previous masculine name of Howard, to just
writing and scribbling words and phrases on the wall with the use of
crayons as she ran around the house with her other siblings. Clearly,
Gabrielle would not have tolerated that.





But
more than tolerate his own mother did Lestat do. Rescuing her from
certain death as she was suffering from consumption, a fatal disease,
he turned her into an Immortal to be his longtime companion, after he
himself was made into one. She was ideally the perfect mate for him;
however she became mad and went on to travel the world, mingling with
tribes and living in the forests, and learning from nature what it can
about beauty and peace, in search of her own aesthetics.

Lestat’s
action of turning her mother can certainly be viewed as selfish in the
modern world and with our current and ever changing sense of norm and
values would still frown upon an affront display of self preservation
and blinded love and affection.

And because Lestat
was not given a choice by Magnus, his absentee maker when he turned him
into a vampire, our hero makes it a point to give his victims a choice
that he was never given; to either be an immortal or simply be fodder
for their folly, in short a victim to their never ending hunger.

And
certainly ‘twas the hunger for company, knowledge, and good
conversation that has brought this group together as we feasted on ensaymada and empanada
as our discussion, albeit short, flourished and detoured from issues of
Machiavellian and Nihilistic concepts that Anne has woven into her
works to outrage over the movie version of the Chronicles.

We
knew then as we know now that we are all still in for a further treat
as we plan for our next gathering next month where, the 3rd book of the chronicle, Queen of the Damned will be the book in focus.





Till
then my fellow Immortals. Let’s keep the fire burning and alive by
properly taking stock of our own light. And may it shine for ourselves
to remind us who we are and who we can be but also a beacon for others
to take the same lead and affect others as positively as we know how;
the very same way how Anne was able to do that and more.








Friday, March 10, 2006

Brokeback Mountain

Rating:★★★★★
Category:Movies
Genre: Drama
What is A Life not Lived, but a Life not Loved...

As subtle as it is, this is the basic lesson that one can gleam from after watching the movie adaptation of the Anne Proulx novel. But unlike some lessons in life and in regular movie watching, the film doesn’t openly tackle this on and the director has given us a perfect exercise in patience and nuance all in one serving; one that spans more than an hour and half’s worth of viewing.

Coming out of the theatre, I didn’t think much of the haunting quality that the film has and high praises for the movie as the sole basis. I knew that I wanted to see it from the first day I heard about it from a friend and immediately wondered if such a film would ever see the light of day here so that local moviegoers would be to treat themselves to a beautiful, lyrical and metaphorical piece of art.

Could one call it providential if not coincidental that Ang Lee, who directed an earlier gay-themed hit, Wedding Banquet be tasked with the job of being at the helm of a similar and yet even more profound of a film? Perhaps there is a higher hand at play here, equally choosing him for the task and for the people who wanted to have the film made with him initially in mind.

What makes the film work on a subconscious level is its inimitable play for symbolism and cryptic references to archetypes; those that society has lulled us into playing and drummed enough fear of impending consequence into us should we stray from it.

Oscar nominee Health Ledger plays Ennis del Mar; a down on his luck cowboy living in Wyoming in 1963. With an impending engagement and the need for stability he goes to look for a honest job that would tide him over during the summer season. His train brings him to a job offering that requires him to tend sheep for the summer months.

He and Jack Twist, the character played by Jake Gyllenhaal are the only contenders for the job and so have taken upon themselves to the task. However, it would be a division of labor as one would set up camp and other to tend the flock. Along with this, the job also required that neither of the two hands should be at the same spot. The sheepherder comes to camp only on meal times and goes back to the flock in the field afterwards. He is not to stay in camp lest wolves and poachers get to the sheep without their knowledge as it has happened in the past.

The movie plays on in different sequences as the two men learned to deal with the hazards of the job; from meeting up with bears and losing your food ration in the process, or to the mundane situation of having to eat the same rationed food every mealtime. The only thing that took them away and made them forget the routine of their jobs is the series of talks that they have together. And with one talk leading to another and an eventual binging of booze and food, the two become drunk and in that fateful early morning discover what they are capable of being for each other.

I for one delighted at the mixed reaction that the crowd gave out; from peals of delight and giggles to horrendous gasps for air out of awe and disgust at having to men go express their love for each other more physically than most, it was the very least that this movie has done for the movie going public. Because after watching the film, one could just simply regard the film as the “quintessential gay cowboy” film that got robbed the Oscar. If that’s the case then that would be merely scratching the surface for the film goes much deeper than that so much so that the Oscar winning score, by way of the intermittent guitar plucking with the vast expanse of the Wyoming horizon looming in the background adds to its already brooding and haunting quality.

The film basically centers on two of the archetypes that we can easily relate to. The archetypes of the Dreamer and the Doer. And that’s what some moviegoers fail to see as all they see are the visages of two men groping each other and coming to terms with their feelings for one another.

Tom Ford, the designer of Gucci, once said that for him human sexuality is fluid, it could go either way. Ennis, Heath’s character, with his garbled way of speaking and expressing himself is the person in the film who could not come to terms with his blossoming sexuality.
Ennis, was traumatized as a kid when his father brought him to see a dead man lying in a ravine with his genitals all bloodied after being tied to a cart and pulled like an animal. This incident was so embedded in his subconscious that he felt that he would suffer the same kind of condemnation should he acknowledge what was growing inside of him; the realization that one man can be attracted to another.

He reflects the very same conflict that most unprepared gay men feel when they come face to face with this realization at a crucial time in their lives and without proper guidance would instead revert back into their closet and be more closed, withdrawn and miserable than when they first came out. However if done right and with the proper set of friends and supportive people in their lives, they would come out of it feeling better and happier about themselves and learn to accept their true nature in the process.

That facet in the film’s characterization of Ennis was something that I chanced upon after pondering about it afterwards. I got so distracted and strained my ears to a point in trying to understand each and every word that Ennis was trying to say. Understand that in the film Ennis is a southerner and being played by an Australian actor trying to mimic the accent doesn’t help at all. And I guess the reason the director, Ang Lee, adopted that ploy was to further heighten that part of Ennis that he could not handle. That how could a butch, masculine cowboy like him ever see himself being physically intimate with another man. How could he even dream of living his life with another man?

It runs contrary to his and society’s perception and required pattern of a behavioral norm. Deep down inside him he dreams of that; of one day waking up to society where he is not condemned for what he yearns for and hopes; and so he ends up being who he is all through his life; paralyzed by his own fear and a victim of his inability to act. A Dreamer.

Jack Twist, played by Jake Glynenhall, on the other hand, the more liberal and emotionally progressive of the two, exemplifies the Doer in us all. He, in his own way is also a dreamer but takes it one notch higher as he dares to do something about it and makes it manifest for himself.

He is not afraid at instigating the relationship and to push the boundaries under which it operates but among the two is able to at least voice it out and lays it out in the open as he confesses the dream that he has for the both of them; that is to share and have a life together. Between the two he is also the first to acknowledge his feelings for Ennis and validates it by saying it out in the open; something that Ennis cannot do and struggles with all throughout in the film

Jack is altogether comfortable in his own skin as he sought out other pleasures from other men, because Ennis could not be there for him all the time, and it was impossible geographically for he was in Texas and Ennis was rooted in Wyoming.

Jack comes to defend his behavior when Ennis in a spurt of jealousy physically threatens him if there is another man in his life by saying how dare Ennis condemns him for something he goes into for the one thing that he yearns for is something that Ennis could not give no matter how much they try.

As a direct contrast to Ennis’ negation, borne out of fear, Jack could always be counted on to revert back to the one thing that gave him strength; the vision that he would hold true and keep till the end of the film. That if they were both willing, he and Ennis could have the life that they wanted. Here the facet of the dreamer ends and the doer enters as he acknowledges it and maps out the possible steps to take in order to see that dream come to fruition.

Having done that, then the occasional “fishing trips” that they take in Brokeback mountain, would more be of a reality than just a dream. That they would take control and let their reality be what they want and will it to be rather than be slaves to the dictates of society and be pegged into positions that it has selected and deemed appropriate for them.

Never in the film was what they had ever made to be against religion but more against of the accepted norm that which the milieu of their society at that time expects and dictates as Ennis negates the very suggestion of happiness that Jack brings up time to time; a suggestion that not only is a way out of the circumstances that they feel powerless to change; but rather a way in for another path and possibility to take.

And seeing what Ennis does in the film, I cannot help but be reminded of how many of us out there have actually tread the same road that he was on; that we constantly deny our own road to happiness just because it is in conflict with that other people expect from us; from our parents; friends; colleagues and even tradition.

And in relation to that, who among us have been the Jack in our lives and constantly follow up the things that we hope to have and achieve for ourselves? Have we been honest in what we feel about the circumstances in our lives or merely acknowledge that we are powerless to change it while at the same whine and complain about not wanting them in the first place and yearn for a better one at the same time?

With the theme that underlines their respective circumstances, the two main characters in the film could have been easily substituted with either a Christian and a Moslem and how they long to be together amidst the backdrop of the constraints of their respective religion; or if not a married man torn between his obligation to his wife and his growing devotion to another woman or vice versa. Because if all we see about Brokeback mountain is the story of two gay men; one repressed and one who expresses himself; then the movie has failed to convey to us that which it serves to remind.

That it is in our hands as to which archetype we belong to, the Doer or the Dreamer.

If we see that and openly acknowledge as to which among the two we belong, then at least recognition of where we are in our lives would serve as the catalyst to invoke changes where we want them and when we want them to happen.

By doing so, we would have at least succeeded in being in step and closer to the goal that we want in our lives and in turn, reach and live the Brokeback mountain in our lives, amidst the real world of shattered dreams, unrequited love, failed relationships and promised successes instead of just dreaming and living it in our imagination and in the world of wishful thinking.

All of these come into play regardless of the amount of effort we put into the many events that populate our myriad lives. It all falls under the cosmic rule of cause and effect. Do you want success in your life and yet not seek out the job that you want? Do you want love or at the very least a relationship to come into your life and yet you stay at home and don’t go out meeting people for dates?

How much do you want it? Ask yourself. Because if you want something so bad to effect in your lives? Then you must do the first step, cause it first.

Because like the painful and bittersweet lesson that Ennis learns at the end of the film. A Live not Lived is a Life not Loved.