Friday, October 26, 2007

Blessed Be, My Father

On October 8, 2007 my father left me...

It took me all this time to even write and blog my thoughts as those days following his passing were a muck. I had too many ideas that I wanted to flesh out. There was just too many things all cramming in the pea size of a brain I had in such a short time; not to mention my emotional state.

Dad had been suffering for the last 5 years now and perhaps it's even selfish of me to hang on to him; to that sense of assurance, security and surety in this world by clinging on to him for just one more day knowing that for every day that passes, another day is added to his suffering. But Dad has always been the strong one. He has always been the sure one whereas I, the youngest in a family of 3 would always be the one who would look up and ask in order to make sure I got it right. At the same time when I would want to have my way, I would also be the brat and give dad a piece of my mind...ah yes, the arrogance of youth.

But I've mellowed down since then and grown a little more patient and wiser I think. And it's just bittersweet that Dad won't be with us this Christmas; that I wasn't able to finish the book that I am still writing, of which the 1st draft I gave to him last year as his birthday present. Heck, I wasn't even there when he left us during a recent family trip in Hong Kong as I had to come back to Manila to prepare his medicine to be sent back and also accompany my nephew and niece and family back home.

He knew that I loved music. He knew how I am a changed person when I'm singing on stage and giving in to my passion. But what he didn't know was, that I am now part of a new vocal group that just finished recording its first Christmas single and slated for a November release. We were planning to have special launch for just family and friends and are gearing up to do that once the album is finished. And it was supposed to be my Christmas surprise for him.

But alas, I was the one who was surprised...or rather the family was the one who got surprised when dad relinquished his hold on this world and departed for the next. I know now that he knows everything and that even my plans that were dormant are now revealed to him and so perhaps it doesn't matter as much.

But wherever you are Dad, I thank you.

I thank you for taking me in. I thank you for the money you spent on my education. I thank you for assuring me that all will be well; for telling me not to be afraid to make a decision; to hold on to the good times; to never compromise my values; to never be wasteful and to never give up.

I thank you for appreciating in your own way the creativity that I have and even pushed me to share it with others. I thank you that early on you validated that creative spark in me when I didn't even know it was there. And because of that here I am, able to do what I do today.

So many things more that I wanted to say and thank you for. But I know that I should not mourn your passing too much. Instead as your son, let me celebrate instead the life that you led; by giving credence and validation to the good values that you have taught us. And the only way to do that is to live our lives as fruitful and meaningful as we can.

I know now that my work lies ahead of me. I also know that I have an extra guardian angel watching over me and that should I need your strength, assurance, guidance, wisdom and love; all I need to ask you and remember the times that we had together.

I know I shall meet him again and perhaps when I do, he'd even be able to dictate and read back this blog to me word for word.

I shall finish the book in your name and continue to do my little bit of good in this world for you have done so much good as well. And you already started that by being my Dad.

I Love you Dad.

Irronmith D'ethenedren

your son, Casey