What If the Lord of The Rings" were a Pinoy Movie?

What If the Lord of The Rings" were a Pinoy Movie? 

1. There would be a Lord of The Rings... The Reunion (Happily Ever After).

2. The actor playing Aragorn would run for presidency and win in a major landslide.

3. The Hobbits would be played by the likes of Dagul, Mahal, Mura, & certain people from 

    Malacanang and the Senate.

4. A scene would go like:

Sam: Itahpon moh nah ang singsing!!!!!

Frodo: Hindeh!!! Akhin itoh!!!

Sam: Ngunit...Datapwat...Subalit...Bagkus.... 

5. The trailers would run for 30 minutes and reveal the whole plot of the movies (sinabi na lahat).

6. There would be a close-up shot of Aragorn and Eowyn, and in the background; 

     a song by the Air Supply. ("I can see the pain living in your eyes...")

7. Everyone would cry in buckets including Sauron (for FAMAS moments).

8. Arwen: Itay, i-reforge mo ang Narsil (hikbi).

     Elrond: Hindi pwede... Mas magastos, bili na lang tayo ng bago.

9. In order to promote the movie, the actors would be seen singing and shaking their booties 

    in noontime variety shows, which makes you wonder about the meaning of "talent".

    Host: Why don't you invite everyone to watch your movie, pala?

    Actor 1: Oo nga pala, I'd like to invite everyone to watch my movie,

                 The Lord of The Rings. I play an orc here...

    Actor 2: I play an Uruk-hai naman and please don't forget we have a promotional tour sa ESEM Bacolor, ESEM Pampanga, 

                ESEM Basilan, ESEM Timbuktu... 

    The cast members will have promo in the different noon time shows - sasayaw, kakanta at sasali sa mga games ng show! 

     Di pa natuwa sa noon time show, may mall tour pa!  

10. Sa talk show naman, sasabihin ng bida: "Actually ako ang gumanap sa lahat ng action scenes. Wala nag akong ka-double e. 

        Nahirapan talaga ako. Kaya nga magandang-maganda itong palabas na ito!"

11. The theme song would be "It Might Be You" (in tagalog version) or "I'll Be" (also in tagalog version). 

12. Siyempre kailangan din may scene na kakanta at sasayaw ang mga hobbits o ang Fellowship complete with back-up dancers to the tune of "Sumayaw, Sumunod"! 

      A Pinoy film wouldn't be complete without a musical interlude. So, true to its original form, 

     the Pinoy LOTR would have a big musical interlude right at the very end of the film, 

      where everyone  -- including the orcs and   Sauron -- would have a musical number, complete with dancing. 

 13. After the awards season, some sort of anomaly will occur regarding the undeserving actor/actress/film 

      who won the award, complete with crying in Sunday afternoon talk shows, and getting other stars' opinions 

      on the matter, and of course, another teary-eyed public reconciliation.

14. The usual heavy breathing scenes in pinoy films; Like when Elrond & Aragorn are talking in the Rohan encampment, 

      their breaths could be heard even in the popcorn stand.

 15. There would be sampalan moments in the film. Oh, yes. 

       They would alter the storyline so that Arwen would meet up with Eowyn 

       and they'd have a sampalan scene while Aragorn looks on, looking quite smug. 

Thoughts on ROD-Con 2007

            When I heard last year that there would be a reader’s convention this year, I was ecstatic. I was told that it was going to be the first and therefore for bibliophiles like me it was going to be an “event”. Together with that, I was also in the midst of getting “accreditation” with my own book club, “Anne Rice Philippines”. I didn’t think much of it and so these two situations were moving simultaneously as the 2006 was nearing its end.

 

            Fast forward to now, my group has finally gotten the accreditation that I was working on with its recent induction into the New World Alliance and the Reader’s conference was scheduled on the same day as my vampiric gathering at Powerbooks. I was torn between rescheduling the gathering in order to be there. But crestfallen as I was, I was quickly relieved to know that the Read or Die Convention was a two-day event. This meant that I get to my have my cake and eat it two; which is more than most we at times get to have in this life.

 

            Going with 3 members of my Coven on the 2^nd day, the function room of the Intercon in Makati became a room of readers, publishers, enthusiasts and hopefuls. Some were there to rake on possible discounted finds. Some were there to attend and listen to the insightful words of wisdom if not inspiration and harsh realism from several keynote speakers. Some like me just felt they had to be there regardless what the day’s stay would yield and be present for what the event is. Lucky for me, that worked because I got to listen to Filipino author, F.Sionil Jose talk about the value of Literature, as its presence must once more be felt in the educational system and in local society. I got to boost the presence of my group, by setting up Anne’s books in the Alliance table and had two 2 newbies interested to sign-up. Along with that I got some vindication for my group, just the day after our successful gathering, by answering a question about Anne and her works during a Q& A portion and win a free book as well. And when the host announced over the PA system, “Oh, the Anne Rice people are here”, all fatigue and exhaustion from the day before simply evaporated from my system and I was dazed all day long.

 

            Immediately I forgot my earlier complaint of not having enough sleep the week before (then again, when did I ever) but being in the room with like-minded people whose own level of interest, devotion and fanaticism equals your own just made everything complete for me that Sunday and made me care less about what I was whining about earlier and what would non-enthusiasts say about the time I spend in events like these. (I get my share of those as well)

 

 

But for what its worth, I’m glad that I was there. Not just for the group but also for the purpose I have in creating my group in the first place. That is to foster awareness for the benefits of reading. If you had known me growing up, I was never the person who couldn’t leave the house or go out without a book in tow. Heck, I couldn’t even finish a chapter then. When I would carry one back then it was for show. I knew that I liked having a book in my hands but that’s just about it. It was only after being a given a book on my birthday and committing myself to it, did I find it a surprising and rewarding venture.

 

So is this a mission that I have now; a quest to silence the crying of lambs in the cold winter’s night like detective Clarice Starling as each cry of a lamb represents the unsatisfied hunger of a literature-deprived individual? Or is it also because of being a Trainer, I saw and heard with own eyes and ears the startling result of a compromised education compounded with a lack of confidence and surety?

 

I know that there are equally many out there who feels the same way as I do. That if children these days were given the opportunities that our parents gave us, perhaps the next generation of thinkers would become do-ers. That the principles that they espouse be that which both defines and exemplifies their lives which in turn helps and spurns on others to do the same. Henceforth, a ripple effect is thus established.

 

And being thus characterized, who is to say where it begins and where it ends and in what form does it come and go?

 

And so having come to terms with that and with this event having ended, I’m bracing myself for another whirlwind of focused devotion and attention as the Alliance works its butt off for the upcoming 5^th Annual Sci-Fi & Fantasy Convention this coming July.

 

            The cycle has been finished only to yield another one to complete and take its place, pretty much like the ripples in the water.

 

            In short, the work has not ended as it has only begun.

 

            To the CON, my brothers and sisters…