What If the Lord of The Rings" were a Pinoy Movie?

What If the Lord of The Rings" were a Pinoy Movie? 

1. There would be a Lord of The Rings... The Reunion (Happily Ever After).

2. The actor playing Aragorn would run for presidency and win in a major landslide.

3. The Hobbits would be played by the likes of Dagul, Mahal, Mura, & certain people from 

    Malacanang and the Senate.

4. A scene would go like:

Sam: Itahpon moh nah ang singsing!!!!!

Frodo: Hindeh!!! Akhin itoh!!!

Sam: Ngunit...Datapwat...Subalit...Bagkus.... 

5. The trailers would run for 30 minutes and reveal the whole plot of the movies (sinabi na lahat).

6. There would be a close-up shot of Aragorn and Eowyn, and in the background; 

     a song by the Air Supply. ("I can see the pain living in your eyes...")

7. Everyone would cry in buckets including Sauron (for FAMAS moments).

8. Arwen: Itay, i-reforge mo ang Narsil (hikbi).

     Elrond: Hindi pwede... Mas magastos, bili na lang tayo ng bago.

9. In order to promote the movie, the actors would be seen singing and shaking their booties 

    in noontime variety shows, which makes you wonder about the meaning of "talent".

    Host: Why don't you invite everyone to watch your movie, pala?

    Actor 1: Oo nga pala, I'd like to invite everyone to watch my movie,

                 The Lord of The Rings. I play an orc here...

    Actor 2: I play an Uruk-hai naman and please don't forget we have a promotional tour sa ESEM Bacolor, ESEM Pampanga, 

                ESEM Basilan, ESEM Timbuktu... 

    The cast members will have promo in the different noon time shows - sasayaw, kakanta at sasali sa mga games ng show! 

     Di pa natuwa sa noon time show, may mall tour pa!  

10. Sa talk show naman, sasabihin ng bida: "Actually ako ang gumanap sa lahat ng action scenes. Wala nag akong ka-double e. 

        Nahirapan talaga ako. Kaya nga magandang-maganda itong palabas na ito!"

11. The theme song would be "It Might Be You" (in tagalog version) or "I'll Be" (also in tagalog version). 

12. Siyempre kailangan din may scene na kakanta at sasayaw ang mga hobbits o ang Fellowship complete with back-up dancers to the tune of "Sumayaw, Sumunod"! 

      A Pinoy film wouldn't be complete without a musical interlude. So, true to its original form, 

     the Pinoy LOTR would have a big musical interlude right at the very end of the film, 

      where everyone  -- including the orcs and   Sauron -- would have a musical number, complete with dancing. 

 13. After the awards season, some sort of anomaly will occur regarding the undeserving actor/actress/film 

      who won the award, complete with crying in Sunday afternoon talk shows, and getting other stars' opinions 

      on the matter, and of course, another teary-eyed public reconciliation.

14. The usual heavy breathing scenes in pinoy films; Like when Elrond & Aragorn are talking in the Rohan encampment, 

      their breaths could be heard even in the popcorn stand.

 15. There would be sampalan moments in the film. Oh, yes. 

       They would alter the storyline so that Arwen would meet up with Eowyn 

       and they'd have a sampalan scene while Aragorn looks on, looking quite smug.